This Whole Primary Process Depresses Me

I had not intended to discuss politics in my blog. Politics depress me enough without writing about them. But, yesterday, I received an e-mail from a friend (the sister of my best friend), addressed to me and a few other friends, and I can't get the whole incident out of my mind. It was a very angry e-mail, but it was not by any means directed at me. Instead, she directed her rage against mysogysm in this country and a general lack of outcry when media commentators have used gender slurs against Clinton. She is especially angry with the DNC for not protesting this treatment of Clinton.

I totally agree with her on that point, but where I don't agree is how she turned her rage on Obama, as if his existence created the mysogyny problem. Between all the angry comments about Obama, what she was really saying was that, if racist slurs had been made, the offending commentator would be fired, but not if sexist slurs were made. Don Imus was her example (not a particularly good example, because his remarks were both racist AND sexist). She and her two sisters have at various times threatened (if Obama wins) to: 1) not vote at all; 2) write in Hillary's name; or 3) vote for McCain. I agree with her that there would probably be more outcry over a racist remark than a sexist one.

Personally, I like both of the Democratic candidates, and at the same time I have my concerns about them. At any given time I might be disappointed with one or the other, but not enough to make me angry, like my friends. I have seen both candidates suffer at the hands of the other's campaign. I have heard both racist and sexist comments against them. I'm very aware of the microscopic examination each has endured. Did she or did she not? Is he or is he not? And I wonder, can anyone stand up to such scrutiny? It's hard for either of them to really focus on the issues, because in actuality, they have very similar stands. Obviously, they are not exactly the same on the issues, but in essence, they are very close. After all, they are both Democrats. The internet is that wonderful thing that allows you to check out their websites at any time of the day or night.

But here's what got me in trouble. My friends (the sisters) know I was once a Republican, a "personal failing" they tried to ignore for the most part in those days long ago. Then I became an Independent, and that lasted a decade. But now, I freely admit that I became so disillusioned by the Republican party that I am now a Democrat. OK, so whether you think that's a failing or not, I am now of the same party as my friend and her sisters. After yesterday's e-mail exchange, I wonder if I am of the same party after all.

I have received many angry e-mail messages from friends during this primary process (for and against both candidates). I have not responded to them because ...well, maybe I thought I was taking the moral high-ground by not getting into it, but really because it's more difficult to write an argument than to speak it. Maybe I knew subconsciously that what happened yesterday would in fact happen if I responded. I knew better than to get these particular friends started. But for some stupid reason or another unknown to me, I responded to this last one. In essence, I said that, as a Democrat, I intended to vote Democratic in November, whether for Obama or Clinton. And I added: Not everyone who supports Obama is a mysogynist and not everyone who supports Clinton is a racist. This only unleashed a tirade from my best friend, basically, an attack on me for not sharing her opinion (something distressingly familiar to what I used to endure way back when I was a dreaded Republican).

After a couple more misguided e-mails on both our parts (probably arguing across each other), I cut the exchange short saying that I believe friendships will be lost over this election, and I don't want ours to be among them. But what I started thinking about was this: My reaction was to my friend's Clinton-supporter aggression toward Obama, a reaction I also have when Obama supporters turn their agression on Clinton. We're not talking about Republicans here...we are talking about Democrats against Democrats. Somehow, we have become like the Republican party I left long ago inthat we are no longer a unified party. In my opinion, it has put the Dems in a real position of weakness, and that is the shame of it.

I believe that this country suffers from both mysogyny AND racism (and a few other -isms and phobias as well), and sadly, they are not going away any time soon. What I focus on is this: setting mysogyny and racism aside, we have reached a fantastic point in history where we have both a white woman and a black man running for the office of president, and whichever one gets the nod as the Democratic candidate has a very real possibility of making it to that top position. That is, if the Democrats don't sabatoge their chances by doing what my friends threaten: either to stay home and not vote (ok by me because both Maryland and California tend to vote Democratic anyway) or to vote for McCain.

When all is said and done, I recognize that, in their own endearing way, my friends are probably making their displeasure with the process known by making such threats. Still, the whole experience of friend attacking friend has left me very unsettled. I may regret posting this entry as much as I regret having responded to my friend's e-mail in the first place. But here it is anyway.


PS-- Since writing this entry a couple of hours ago, I have gotten a phone call from my friend, who said she was calling me because it's much better to talk in person than by e-mail, and then we were all lovey-dovey-boo-hoo-I'm-so-sorry-and-you-know-I-love-you-more-than-my-luggage. So all is well with her. Then I tried to call her sister (my best friend), left her a message, and she called me back. The conversation was very stiff (she was on her way out to dinner with another friend), but I must assume all is well with her, too. So, no more politics. From now on, I will delete political e-mails and I will never respond to them any more. I promise. Yep, I promise.