Dumpster Riding

No, that's not a typo. I know you've heard of dumpster diving. This is different. Well, it involves dumpster diving, but it's not the point. Tuesday night, I went out to dinner with some friends (we celebrate our summer birthdays together every year), and Donna told us her tale. A week ago, she wrote out some checks to pay bills and put them in their envelopes, then put the stack on her table to take to the mailbox when she left for work. She remembered that it was recycle day at her townhouse complex, so she gathered her newspapers and piled them on the table, too. You know where this is going. When she grabbed the papers to take them out, she accidentally grabbed the outgoing mail, too. And she didn't realize her mistake until she had lifted the dumpster lid and thrown everything in. Oops.

She decided she simply had to go dumpster diving for those lost bills, so she went into the house, changed from her workclothes, found a nice chair to climb on, and went back out to the dumpster. Using the chair, she was able to get into the dumpster, which was basically empty except for her papers, the bills, and about an inch of water. Yuckky! She got the wet envelopes and tossed them out of the dumpster onto the ground, and suddenly felt a bump as the big rock that kept the dumpster from rolling fell out of place, and the dumpster started rolling. As in rolling toward a hill. Just as her life began to pass before her eyes with the thought that the dumpster was going to tumble down the hill with her in it, she remembered that the complex had put chains on the dumpsters because of previous problems with dented cars. She says she could only pray the chain held. And it did.

Now she had to figure out how to get out of the dumpster. The chair was on the outside, she was on the inside, and there was nothing to stand on...and on top of that, she had to hold the lid up, too. No one in sight to help. Eventually, my former ballerina friend managed to get one leg up over the side of the dumpster and squirm the rest of the way out. Unharmed. Wet and covered with yukky stuff, but unharmed.

Anyway, Donna is almost a germ-freak. Not quite Howard Hughes, but very aware of cleanliness. When we go out to eat, the first thing she does is go to the ladies room to wash her hands. And she doesn't like to touch public door handles with her bare hands. OK, so now, she is standing next to the dumpster, covered with dumpster muck, and holding a pile of gooey envelopes in her bare hand. Her bare hands, I tell you! What does she do about it? Well, she goes into her townhouse, spreads the envelopes on the table and dries them with a hair drier. Only then does she take her shower, clean everything up and get ready for work again. My friend Donna is a very organized clean person. Once she tossed those dry, albeit suspect, envelopes in the mail, I'm sure there was nothing left to tell the tale of her dumpster ride.

She says she hopes no one got it all on video on their cell phone. I said I hope they did! I'm going to be on the lookout, checking Youtube! But my advice to Donna? Two words:

Online banking.