Beautiful girl!

I met Kira. My friends Lea and Dorothy went with me...to keep me from getting too excited. I'm an emotional basket case. And of course, we had trouble finding the place (the Mapquest directions were a little confusing, of course) and I was getting a bit hyper with the anticipation, but they made me calm down. Such good friends. Anyway, Kira is a gorgeous three-year-old GSD. I really, really like her, but I have to say the experience was a little distressing. For odd reasons. Mostly because of my state of mind, being without Ziggy and without my husband.

My first concern was that I must not be trying to replace Ziggy. There will never be another Ziggy. My big, strong beautiful Ziggy, with his gentle but protective ways. And I am comfortable with that knowledge now. Kira is a female GSD and a lot less, well, what's the word, "assertive" maybe (?) than Zig. But she is very active. And although her coloring is sable, like Ziggy, she has much longer fur, and she is so unbelievably soft. I was a little distressed about how I would react to a GSD that was not Ziggy. I should not have been. I am very comfortable with this dog. Did I mention that I really, really like her? (I refuse to get any more attached than "really, really like" because I don't know what will happen next).

My second concern was that I wanted to meet her on neutral ground. I wasn't worried about meeting her IN her home, but I wanted to take her on a walk, just me and Kira. Her owner was happy to let me do that, but I felt really bad when I asked if I could do it my way, without the "haltie" and without the big collar business. Just with the leash looped through itself in the Caesar Millan way. I immediately felt so comfortable with this dog that I instinctively knew I could handle her that way. But her owner, Karen, seemed a little dubious. Still, she let me go, which was nice, because it was her right to be concerned. She didn't know me from Adam (Eve?). How could she know that I was comfortable with the dog and that nothing terrible would happen? For that matter, honestly, how could I know? But she did let me go. And Kira was a dream! She walked right next to me. She did not pull. It was a sweet, but short walk, because I didn't want to worry Karen about her dog. Still, I knew during the walk that Kira would be a good dog. Just that little walk! Caesar really knows what he is talking about when he says you need to WALK with the dog. You really do learn SO much about a dog that way. And I know you build trust...of course the walk was too short, and it really should have been done, in my mind anyway, out of Karen's neighborhood, someplace new. When we got back to Karen's townhouse, Kira tried to get ahead of me, and I wasn't having any of that. I was very gentle (in the Caesar Millan way, I hope) but was adamant that she would go inside on my invitation. Karen kept trying to tell me that Kira was used to being on her right hand side and used to going into the house first. In my eagerness to try to be a "pack leader," I said I hoped it was ok if I did it differently just this once so I could see how she reacted to my leadership. Karen was ok, but again, dubious--seriously, she was very sweet about it all. Kira, on the other hand, figured it all out so quickly. Dogs are so smart! Even though my energy became nervous because of her owner's discomfort, she still did what I asked. Then I went in and Kira sat there on the stoop until I invited her in and we all trailed into the living room to get to know each other better. I told Karen I felt I had upset her. Karen said no, that was ok because she'd have to get used to this sooner or later, but that I was just so "stern." Stern was her word. I was surprised by that... I didn't think I was stern at all. I just had expectations and didn't let Kira push me or run the agenda. But I think my anxiousness made me a bit too pushy. I really liked that Kira settled into step with me, but I think I could have done better. She is so smart. I don't think Kira thought I was stern. It bothers me that Karen thought so.

In retrospect, I wish I had been less anxious, more attentative to Karen. This must be VERY hard on her. On the other hand, I think Kira just took everything in stride. She was a little timid, but also curious. But the most wonderful thing! She's easy to interract with. I played with her ears. I held her muzzle. I picked up her feet one by one . I held onto her tail. I pushed her butt down into a sitting position and she was gently tolerant. And then she let me hug her! I love dogs that like to be hugged! Boy, did I tear up remembering how Ziggy loved hugs. And here was this lovely girl, letting me, a stranger, hug her.

My third concern, and the most distressing for me, was the environment. It had a tremendous impact on me. The townhouse was VERY small and very cluttered. Cluttered with dog paraphenalia...not junk...indicating Karen's absolute devotion to the dogs. There was a huge set of shelves running down the hallway, making it impossible for more than one person at a time to traverse from the front to the back, and dogs push past very quickly, almost knocking you over. Karen has three large dogs: two brothers and Kira. They constantly bark and feed off one another's high energy, but Kira is actually the instigator. I believe she would do so much better away from the other dogs, because ... well, I'm not trying to be mean about it, but there was absolutely no leadership in that household. I don't think Karen could fathom that because she is like one of the dogs...she is SO attuned to them, one of the pack, but not a leader. It seems to me that she regarded the dogs almost like naughty little kids, and taking a strong leadership position would be tantamount to not being their friend. She is extremely close to the dogs.

There is absolutly no question in my mind that she loves them. But as I watched Kira pace all around the house, from front door to back and around again, then setting up barking matches with the other two dogs and all the resulting mayhem, I had this sudden insight: Kira is desperate for exercise and space. I mean the kind of exercise that takes her outside for long walks, and a real back yard, not a tiny postage stamp courtyard paved with stone, where she had to squat and pee on the stone. She needs GRASS. Ziggy had such good bathroom habits. Kira needs the opportunity to develop such good manners. She needs to play the wonderful stick game. She has lots of squeak toys, but she also needs a big boda bone to help her keep her nice teeth clean. She needs to sit on my big wrap-around porch with me in the beautiful weather while I open the mail and drink a glass of wine. And then I could brush her the way I did Ziggy and make happy birds and happy squirrels (the fur makes such great nest lining). She needs to put on some weight...maybe 15 pounds or so? You can feel her spine, maybe from all the pacing. Karen feeds her a special diet recommended by the vet to help put on weight. We would continue that and do what was necessary to beef her up a little. And neighbors could walk by and tell her how beautiful she is. My friend, Lea, says I am already in "rescue mode." Ready to take Kira and give her a "forever home." But I think I am rescuing ME. I am the one who needs Kira. Maybe I am being unrealistic, but I honestly believe Kira and I would both blossom. I just have this gut feeling. She would be a challenge, but a good one.

So, about an hour ago, I called my husband and told him about her. I want him to meet her this week, if possible. He comes home tomorrow evening. I believe he will like her, too. You know, really, really like her. He seemed very interested in her. And very willing to bring her into the house. But he said we should probably do so with one condition...that she get along with the cats. Somehow, watching her, I did not feel like the prey instinct was strong in her. She's one of those "good shepherds." Although she's an "instigator" she also comes across as a nurturer. She was so sweet when she found a scratch on my wrist...she licked it for me! I have this feeling that, after an initial period of getting to know them (and after Daily does his train-the-new-guy session), she would do fine with the cats. She might end up with a few scratches on her nose in the beginning, like Ziggy did, but I think she would figure it out. And wouldn't it be nice if Daily had a sleeping buddy again?

Is it possible? Would Karen even consider us? She had another couple come out earlier today and she liked them, too. I think they really, really liked Kira as well. Maybe she will think I am just "too stern" for Kira...or not sympathetic to her, Karen.

SO, here's how it goes: I really, really like Kira. I hope the hubs really, really likes Kira. I'd love to see if she could deal with the cats. And I'd love to have her. OK, so having said that, I am comfortable with the knowledge that she will end up in a good home whether it is with us or with the other couple or even someone else. I think she will do very well away from the other dogs. I believe that Karen has come to that conclusion, too, and that it is very difficult for her. But I know that I need to calm down. Right now I'm more like my pushy Ziggy, rather than the calm assertive leader that I want to be.

Because I lost my Ziggy (and still get teary eyed), I cannot let myself get so emotionally attached to Kira that I could feel the grief of losing her, too, before I got her. So, I am determined not to become obsessed with her. If it works out, great. If we don't get her, I know there will be another dog. It will happen. The process of looking is rather exciting. Kira has the potential to be an incredibly great dog. She needs us. Doesn't she? It would be fantastic to go from the "really, really like" stage to the "absolutely love and must have" stage.

OK, so when I get a chance to write again, I want to talk about Ziggy and what a great dog he was. Of course I will update the Kira saga, too. It's all so exciting. This process does seem to help ease the pain and fill the part of me that needs to focus on a dog. Ziggy was happy when everyone else was happy, my smiley dog. It makes me happy to contemplate having another GSD in the house. But I really need to get out of this desperate mode, some of which comes from grief. It makes me into a fiend, and I know I'm really not one.